Obama Establishes White House Council on Native American Affairs
“This order establishes a national policy to ensure that the Federal
Government engages in a true and lasting government-to-government
relationship with federally recognized tribes in a more coordinated and
effective manner, including by better carrying out its trust
responsibilities,” Obama said in the Order.
Read more at http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/2013/06/26/obama-establishes-white-house-council-native-american-affairs-150136
White people, here’s your one-time Canada Day special: Native people apologize back!
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/commentary/white-people-heres-your-one-time-canada-day-special-native-people-apologize-back/article4382016/
So in the spirit of cooperation, I would like to offer up these
apologies to the people of Canada on behalf of the NAFNIP
(native/aboriginal/first nations/indigenous people):
We hereby
apologize for being so inconsiderate as to occupy land that, one day,
your people would want. Even though we did not have a postal system or
an Internet, this was an inexcusable oversight. We hope you are enjoying
it.
We apologize for having so many politically correct and
incorrect names for you to call us – everything from native to
aboriginal to first nations to wagon burner to status-card number
48759375876-1.
In retrospect, to make things easier for you, we
should have stayed in India, where we were originally thought to have
come from. Unfortunately today it is really hard to get decent palak
paneer on the reserve.
We hereby apologize for not understanding
the subtle connections between God, children and sexual abuse. Some are
still struggling with appreciating this association.
They are forgetting that, early in the Bible, it says, “Let there be white. And it was good.”
We
apologize for wanting rights to minerals and other natural resources
that exist beneath our feet. When you negotiated for our land, you meant
to the Earth’s core.
We did not fully comprehend that when we
were put on reserves where our rights to the land only went two or three
feet below the surface.
Anything that falls down a sewer grate basically belongs to the Federal Government.
We apologize for being so concerned about the disappearances of so many native women.
We
did not realize that the professional attitude of most law-enforcement
agencies towards this issue was basically “out of sight, out of mind.”
From now on, we’ll report any native women that go missing as white
women with dark tans. That should speed up response time.
No need to thank us.
We
hereby apologize for straining the Canadian health system due to our
propensity towards diseases like diabetes. I know it has been said we
put the word “die” in diabetes, but being introduced to all that Kraft
Dinner and potato chips was definitely worth giving up the steady diet
of salmon and deer.
I am sure the vegetarians are happy.
We
apologize for launching so many land claims against the federal and
provincial governments. One of our most ancient teachings tells us it is
our sacred responsibility to make sure as many lawyers as possible are
fed and looked after.
Where would they be without us?
We
hereby apologize for wanting autonomy from the Federal bureaucracy of
the DIA (Department of Indian Affairs). … Wait a minute, make that DIAND
(Department of Indian and Northern Development). … Sorry, but I think
it’s now called INAC (Indian and Northern Affairs Canada). … No, I have
just been informed the Ministry’s official name is now AANDC – short for
Aboriginal Affairs Northern Development Canada. ... Now I forget what
my original point was.
And though it had nothing to do with us, we
are sorry for obvious reasons for the unique acronym of a once-testy
office known as the Government of Ontario Native Affairs Directorate.
Finally,
and perhaps most of all, we apologize for helping Canada/Great Britain
win the War of 1812 against the Americans. There are many in the native
community who feel Barack Obama would be a far more interesting leader
than Mr. Harper.
